


Her hands balled into fists, already knowing the answer.

by blackeyebruise



Series: Depression Luffy [3]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Gen, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-30 12:41:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14497218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackeyebruise/pseuds/blackeyebruise
Summary: Nami sees something Luffy didn't want any of his crew to see.





	Her hands balled into fists, already knowing the answer.

She couldn't sleep. She was dead tired -- well, emotionally, not physically -- but her head was swarming, spinning with thoughts and feelings and worries that refused to still themselves, and even if she closed her eyes, she was still painfully aware of the foreign mattress underneath her and the clay-like hotel scent in her lungs -- none of which belonged to the Going Merry.

Upon slipping out of bed and getting up to walk outside for a bit as a refresher, she noticed that her captain's bed was empty, blankets carelessly tossed aside and pillow flopped onto the floor entirely, signature straw hat set atop it all like a substitute for its owner -- but she decided not to worry too much about him, and threw on a few layers to prepare for the chill outdoors before departing. It was a bit colder than she'd thought to dress for, tired and distracted as she was, but it wasn't unbearable. The sound of the wind and her shoes clacking against the ground were the only sounds there to fill the air -- until she began to hear something else. And as she moved closer and closer to where the noise seemed to be coming from, her curiosity gave way to surprise and worry as she began to get an idea of what it was, only for her suspicions to be confirmed.

"Luffy?"

Of all things, Luffy _screamed_ , toppling from his seat atop a bridge and falling into the water canal underneath; she, in turn, let out a startled yell before diving in after him, managing to grab a hold of his vest before he'd sunk too deep below. But as she hoisted him back up, she caught a glimpse of--

Nami dropped to her knees in front of Luffy, who was sprawled out on the ground. "Luffy -- you're hurt?!"

"No -- no I'm not," he managed between coughing up water, "Nami -- what are you doing here?"

"That's not important right now! What's going on? Are you okay? Your arm--"

"Nothing, I'm fine!" he huffed, hiding his arms behind him very conspicuously.

"Luffy, those _cuts_ \--" Her hands balled into fists, already knowing the answer. "You didn't...do that to yourself, did you...?!"

Luffy froze, eyes stretched wide as if he suddenly hadn't slept in days, months, years.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about," he stammered, and something sank in Nami's stomach; it burned, like lava. She bit her lip, quivering as if she was ready to snap -- but instead, she let out a long, slow exhale. They were both soaked, and even colder than before.

Luffy, of all people. She could hardly believe it.

"Stupid..." she murmured, trying not to cry, but it was too late.

"Nami...?"

Though Luffy had this carefree, curious look on his face, and though he had gotten dunked in the water, she could see the signs, and she had heard him just earlier. She could tell Luffy had been crying.

Why did this have to happen? All of this...

"Stupid," she repeated helplessly. "Why? I didn't want _you_ to be like this..." No... Why hadn't she realized it sooner? She had seen it before; seen bandages on Luffy's arms, but had always passed it off as battle injuries and whatnot, because surely Luffy would be the last person to hurt himself -- but now, seeing this -- she was an idiot for not giving it more thought.

"You don't need to hide it, Luffy. Not from me." She raised her right arm to grip her left shoulder and, as she expected, Luffy instantly understood.

"...Yeah. Sorry." His bangs rippled against the wind, shrouding his face. She wanted to scold him and demand to know why he did it, but this wasn't the time, and she knew. She knew exactly why. So instead--

She felt Luffy twitch in surprise as she pulled him into her arms with no warning, hoping that this summed up everything she wanted to say to him. There was a quiet, isolated moment, with only the wind to hear them, before he slackened in her protective embrace, loosening like a breath that had been held for hours, months, years, centuries. Another, and he started trembling, and as she continued to hold him close, shielding him from the reality they'd all been thrust into -- Luffy cried into her shoulder.

Nami couldn't see his face, and didn't bother to look. The sniffling and gasping behind her ear were all she needed, and she could tell that he was trying in vain to hold himself back. The gusts softened, as if to give them space, and the two stayed that way for a while, chilled by the cold from the outside and warmed by each other's chests from the inside. Eventually, he hugged her back, and she shuddered when she felt the warmth from one of his arms dripping down past her shoulder blade, but she only held him tighter in response, not wanting to let go -- because somehow it was as if, if she had let go just then, Luffy would have fallen away beyond her reach.

"Why did I say that to him...?!" Behind her, Luffy's hands quivered. "If only I hadn't... And Merry...! Merry..."

"Shhh... It's not your fault." She wrapped her hand around the back of his head, pulling him closer, her own face wet with tears too. They were all still hurting; of course they were.

After a while longer, Luffy gently pulled away, dry streaks still visibly marking his cheeks.

"Thanks, Nami," he choked out feebly.

Nami sighed, wiping her eyes off.

"Let's get your arm treated, okay? Let's go back."

There was a long pause before he tilted his head in a weak nod and muttered, "Mm."

Nami climbed to her feet before offering a hand to Luffy, who slowly and almost laboriously took it and hoisted himself up with her aid. He dragged his steps as he walked back with her, so she slowed her own pace to stay beside him, and as Nami looked into his face, she saw the exhaustion in his eyes.

When they slipped in, stepping delicately so as to not disturb the others, Chopper waved to them from his bed, awake and sitting up. He popped out of the sheets to greet Nami, in whispers. "Where were you, Nami? And where's Luffy?"

"Luffy's right behind m--" Wait, where had he gone?! "--Luffy!" she huffed, mostly relief; he was just standing outside by the door. "What's wrong?"

"I-It's..." his gaze flitted side to side, but before he could come up with an answer, Chopper poked his head out from inside, and nearly let out a yell when he saw his captain's arm. The reindeer opened his mouth as if to ask the same questions Nami had wanted to ask -- but he must have understood immediately, too.

"Wait there!" Chopper said in an urgent hush, rushing back inside with no delay. Luffy looked up gingerly, before slowly stirring and moving inside, where Nami followed and gently closed the door behind them. Chopper, returning with a first aid kit, was already in tears as he began to tend to the cuts; he kept his sniffling as low as he could, but he couldn't do anything about his streaming eyes. Nami sat beside them as she watched, watched Luffy break his stare off of the floor to glance at Chopper, watched his eyes twitch in guilt and, oddly enough, seeing him like this, she suddenly remembered that feeling on her head, on which Luffy had planted his dear straw hat so firmly that day so long ago.

By the time Chopper finished, Luffy's gaze had slunk away again, but he whispered his doctor a word of thanks. For a moment no one moved; then Luffy scooted his way over to his bed, but instead of getting on top of it, he sat and leaned against the side and went still, staring emptily at the floor. Nami and Chopper glanced at him, concern reflected in their faces, before moving to sit beside him. Nami placed her hand on top of his, and Chopper decided to do the same.

"We're all here for you, Luffy," Nami murmured. "We always are."

Luffy looked at Nami, then Chopper, and back to Nami. He smiled, a melancholy smile, like a smile that hadn't seen daylight in thousands of years. The type of smile Nami used to wear, and the type of smile she had never needed again after those straw threads entwined themselves with her hair on that day. She gripped Luffy's hand, entangling her fingers with his like those straw threads once did.

"We're going to get through this, together."

She saw him look at her, _really_ look at her for the first time this night, as if he only really just realized she was there. "Yeah," he breathed, as if he barely recognized his own voice.

Time passed, and the three of them gradually drifted off as one, all of them slouching on each other in one tangled pile as the night laid them to rest, where Sanji would later wake briefly and toss a blanket over the careless bunch asleep on the floor, while the sun made its rounds and tomorrow would come.


End file.
